Airline Review: Spirit Air

Published July 17, 2012 by mrsrag

This review was not planned.  You didn’t see it on our “Coming Soon” page.  We felt compelled to write it, you’ll see why.  Recently we went on vacation for a couple of weeks and we were looking for flights.  Actually, Maria went to NY first to visit her family and Ethan and I followed about a week later.  We needed two round trips for E and I, and a one way for Maria’s trip home.  In the process of looking, we stumbled upon Spirit, who we had never flown with before.  Their prices were considerably lower than everyone else, so obviously, we booked with them.  Not the best move we’ve ever made.

Spirit is an exceptionally fitting name for this airline, because that is exactly what they suck out of you.  Your entire will to live.  Firstly, we were charged $33.00 for our checked bags.  I had purposely brought one duffel bag and a personal item.  Since I didn’t use Spirit on the way up – that bag flew up North for free.  I was shocked to find that Spirit charges $35.00 per carry on item…2 bucks more!!  So I figured checking it would be better than paying more to tote the lousy thing around.  If this was the only thing that chafed my ass about Spirit, I could have gotten over it rather quickly.  But there’s so much more…$10.00 to pick your seat.  Obviously, the three of us travelling togther wanted to ensure that we sat next to each other.  Especially Ross and Ethan.  There’s another 30 bucks down the drain.  The fare just keeps climbing.  Not to mention these assholes don’t even have a recline button on your $10.00 seat.  Never before had I witnessed an airline seat that doesn’t even offer the minute luxury of that extra inch and a half that I honestly look forward to.  You know that feeling when you’ve reached cruising altitude, you turn on your acceptable electronic device and you push that little silver button.  That button represents something to me…it represents dignity, decency and the tiniest bit of integrity that airlines still possess.  Not Spirit though.

Decency?  Integrity?  Not on Spirit.  Nothing is free with Spirit.  Not only do you not get peanuts or pretels or a soda for free, which you get on EVERY airline.  You have to pay for water too!  Frigging water?  Are you shitting me??!!  I suppose you could gag down some non-potable from the bathroom, but I’ll tell you one thing, they would drag my desiccated corpse from my non-reclineable seat before I would give them a penny for water.  “Spirit Air-cheap tickets” is what comes up at the top of their website.  I suppose the tickets are cheap, but NOTHING else on Spirit is.  $33 for our checked bag on the way up.  $20 for our seats.  $66 for our two bags on the way home and another $30 for our seats.  That’s an extra $149 added to the “cheap” tickets.  All of a sudden Southwest was looking better and better.  And I could have had some honey roasted peanuts AND a Diet Coke.  Dammit!!

Ross loves to exaggerate, but he’s actually telling the God’s honest truth – even the water wasn’t free.  The one redeeming thing I can say about the airline is that we made it home alive.  In some of Ross’ favorite words: Thanks a pant load.  We truly appreciate the “Fast Bag Drop” we qualified for as well.  We almost missed the flight and we stayed at a hotel exactly one minute away.  “Fast Bag Drop” my ass.  Lastly, to put it in perspective for you, they don’t even have those shitty magazines in the seat back pocket.  Couldn’t even splurge on that!  I will be happy if I never fly with them again. Ever.

I forgot about the mags, or lack there of.   What a fucking joke of an airline.  Finally, they were hard selling this Spirit Airline credit card near the end of the flight.  “Just fill out the application and get a free one way ticket!”  First thing about that is, you’d have to fly Spirit again.  Yeah right!  And I’m thinking, if there are no strings attached to that “free” ticket, I’ll walk bare-assed home from RI next time.  I’d rather do that, in a blizzard, with icicles hanging from Little Ross than ever fly Spirit again. 

Maria’s Rating: 1 Wing out of 5.

Ross’ Rating: 0.5 Wings.  (For not crashing)

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